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  • Writer's picturesophie sherwin

Who Let Sophie Out?

I have not been out and about for a long time, reason being is a loss of confidence, energy and let’s face it….age, but this is part of my starting over. When I was in my 20’s, 30’s and even 40’s I was out A LOT, weekdays, weekends, lunchtimes even breakfasts! And I was able to drag myself into work usually with a stonking hangover, string a half intelligent sentence together and all with a fresher face than I actually have now without a drinking session!

In my current life, feeling like I have been hit by the age bus, my norm is rushing home…pj’s…dinner and gorge on reality tv. So, when I got an email from someone inviting me to an event I immediately thought no, then the 20-something devil entered the conversation in my head telling me I could survive a hangover at work again, followed by my 50 year old angel explicitly telling me I can not even handle a sip of alcohol on a school night let alone a few glasses, back to the devil giving a very strong argument but oh….the angel is so right. After a lot of flip flopping the devil wins, so I half-heartedly said yes which mostly was because:

a. it was not too far from work,

b. it was not going to be a late one and

c. there was going to be free food, wine and champagne….

d. did I mention the free wine and champagne?

The day rolled around, and I found myself proudly not sending that email “sorry, my boss has asked me to work late, really devastated I am not able to come, but, next time!” Five minutes before work finishing I head to the bathroom to change my knickers (you never know! But also, again let's face it....age and bladder leaks), put on some more mascara (big mistake) and a squirt of perfume (again, big mistake).

Emerging from the bathroom gasping for air amidst a coughing fit, as I managed to swallow most of the perfume, I step outside and squint at my phone map to see where I am going (even though I know exactly how to get there as I have been there before, and I have checked it a million times already but again….age).

Ugh, the sun is not only beating down on me, it is causing my body’s temperature to rise to the point that if you put any item of clothing next to me, the heat would steam it perfectly wrinkle free. I curse as I know that once my body heats up only marginally my pores open and the Mississippi runs out, so I go and find some shade to walk in to get to the bus stop.

Bus stop reached I check the map again (!!!) but also check out what time the bus is arriving only to see that it will take more than 5 minutes (which is a lifetime for Londoners)…

Devil – go on wait for the bus

Angel – no, it will take too long and anyway, it will be too hot in the oven on wheels, best to jump on a bike. Just think, the calories you will lose, the air through your hair and you can soak in some much needed Vitamin D!

Okay, argument won, bike it is.

Thirty minutes later I arrive, I swan in like I have just won an Oscar and everyone is waiting for my appearance and speech, but I stand there secretly deflated that no one has noticed I have arrived as no one actually knows who I am! And they do not realise what an effort it is for me to be there. Never mind Sophie, let's get this party started!

I grab the nearest glass of Champagne and neck it, very unladylike but I was thirsty, I replace the empty with a full one and scan the room to find the friendliest looking person I could find who was on their own.

I saunter over and introduce myself and mop my brow of sweat consistently for at least another half an hour, I but manage to have a captive audience....Until they start bringing food around. I take a delicious looking chicken skewer and dip it in some sauce, put it in my mouth and instantly realise the sauce is loaded with garlic. I eat away as my hunger pangs are screaming at me which I am convinced she can hear too and go back to regaling hilarious tales. Suddenly, the champagne takes hold and I burp and I really tried to do it under my breath but nope – it was loud and garlicky. My conversation partner recoils in horror and a really awkward silence ensues. Panic and surprise fills her wide eyes, so I mutter I need to go to the toilet and run.

I get to the bathroom, burp really loudly again and recoil in horror as I can smell the garlic then look in the mirror and realise my mascara is center stage down my face. I look like a reject puppet.

Devil – ha ha….see

Yeah thanks angel….

I take a few gulps of water, clean up my face, walk back in with shoulders back trying to shake off the embarrassment into the throws of chatter, laughter and drunkenness. I spot the girl I was chatting to and give her a wide berth, luckily she is talking to someone else so does not notice me slithering around other people. I linger a little, like a kid on their first day at school pleading for friends, until I see two women chatting so I make eye contact, smile an SOS and walk over. As I am introducing myself the champagne tray comes around so I swipe one oh and I take some water too (clever me) then just as she turns there behind her is the lady with the garlic chicken skewers coming at me faster than a menopause hot flush. I put my hand up and mouth ‘no thanks’ so she walks away.

The rest of the evening went without anymore drama, I seemed to attract the drunkest

people in the room and have a really good giggle. I also had more food especially the large chocolate canapes which seem to appear over and over begging me to eat them and I ate them guilt free…okay that is a big lie...I say fuck it to my weight loss plan as this is a reward for being so charming and remarkable, with people seemingly flocking to speak to our little group. Oh boy, the devil will get me into trouble.

At the end of the evening, most people had left apart from the hardcore party people who did not have to get up for work the next day and by that stage were of course my Bff’s who begged and pleaded I came out with them but no….hello Angel…..I said my excuses and left.

I got home and in bed in time for me to have my essential eight hours sleep! Just perfect.

I am so glad I said yes and I would say it was relatively drama free but certainly noted not to think that my body works with me when it comes to my regular detoxing of sweat (or at least look in a fucking mirror first).

I am not sure when my next adventure out will be but I will be here next week.

Ciao for now…

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