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  • Writer's picturesophie sherwin

Being Alone at Fifty - Valentine's Special


heart for Valentine's Day
Valentine Love

As I sat stroking Sindy’s (yes – Sindy girl here, I was not cool enough for Barbie) hair, glancing at action man fantasising of my very own action man and all the action babies I was going to have, little did I know that was not necessarily in my future.

 

If you have read my first blog about turning fifty, I mention that I am still single and boy, when I think back to that girl, little did I know that my life would take a very different turn I a alone at fifty. Not only do I not have a romantic relationship, also my friend count is less than the weight I lost last week. I spend days on end on my own and sometimes I catch myself feeling really alone but other times I relish the quietness, no demands and freedom.

 

Obviously, Valentine’s day is coming up  and unless you live with the pixies at the end of the garden, it is very much in your face. How does that make you feel? Do you love or hate Valentine’s day?

 

I do remember one of my favourite V days when I was single, I went to a ‘non-valentine’s’ event. It was held in a high end very famous jewellers and we were able to try on eye watering expensive jewels under the watchful, suspicious eyes of the very burly security guards. I tried on a yellow diamond ring worth £2m all whilst sipping Champagne and eating chocolate covered strawberries. It was a fabulous way to spend the evening.

 

I have also had some great valentine days with partners. Before it became a time for places to completely overcharge and undersell a pretty lacklustre set menu, I would really look forward to the surprise romance. And of course, in my youth it was all about the excitement and wonderment if you were going to get a card from an admirer (who usually turned out to be your mum).  I did one year, get a card and I hadn’t a clue who it was from, until about a year later when someone told me it was a friend of my brothers. At the time I really wished I had not found out as my fantasy of who sent it was so much nicer than the reality.

I wonder what happens nowadays with social media and in the digital times, how do you send something anonymously? Without receiving a restraining order or a dog set on you?

 

These days I tend to do a day of self-love and that works for me.

 

My theme for this year is ‘connection’ as I discovered that I am craving more connection in my life. I have, focused on my own healing and career over the last couple of years, I now want to move into forming more substantial connections with others.


a group of friends sitting around a table eating, drinking and having fun.
Connections

 

Let’s not get too excited though, I think one of the big downsides of being older and wiser – my tolerance for stupid people has reduced to the size of a mouses stomach. That means I am much pickier than I ever was to only spend time with people who match or surpass my energy. Gone are the days when having loads of people in my life, good or bad, was important to me as that was usually soothing more of a negative need in me and it was exhausting. Bye bye energy vampires, never ending victims and negative Nancie’s. So, where are my tribe? My people? Good god, I don’t know and I have to reeeealllllyyyyyyy put myself out there to find them and put aside my ‘I can’t be arsed’ voice.

 

As for love – that will come too, patience….

 

Being single is healthy especially when you can form an enjoyable life and heal, it gets unhealthy when you become so set in your ways, inviting another into your life is a hassle. The world has opened up for solo people and it is no longer frowned upon to navigate as a party for one. But please do remember we are here to form relationships and experience and give love. Open your heart if it is closed and enjoy the magic with others as well as yourself and if you are celebrating Valentine’s Day – enjoy and if not – what the hell, enjoy the day anyway and spread some love (put a condom on if it is that kind of love).

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